College basketball sucks, we all know that. Not as bad as the pro game; which is like trying to watch flies fornicate on drying paint while my wife regales me with tales about her latest foray into the cooking of pork chops, but it still sucks.
In college basketball, the entire regular season is rendered completely, totally, and irrevocably meaningless because of conference tournaments. If your team does reasonably well, but doesn’t win the conference or conference tournament championship game, there’s a decent chance you won’t go to the NCAA tournament. Conversely, if your team sucks worse than the movie ‘Mirrors’, starring Kiefer Sutherland, but you magically get on a hot streak and win your conference tournament, you’re automatically in…knocking out said good team annotated above.
In college football, NOTHING matters more than what you do in the regular season…nothing. In college basketball, you can have an off night if you’re North Carolina or Duke, and recover to get a #1 tournament seed. If you have an off night in college football, it reverberates throughout the season. Just ask USC how bad that loss to Oregon State was.
In college basketball, rivalries are extremely watered down, and matter little outside of the teams and fan bases that are playing. Duke beats North Carolina in December? Oh, that sucks, but we’ll get ‘em again in a month or so, thinks the Tar Heel fans.
In college football, it’s often more important to beat your rival than it is to win your bowl game. Ask a Michigan fan how much better their off-season would be had they beaten Ohio State to close out their pathetic, miserable, embarrassment of a season. You lose to your rival in college football, it eats at your soul for a fucking year. Or if you’re Michigan, a decade…BWAHAHAHAHA…Michigan sucks. Ohio State rocks.
For office pools, college basketball REALLY sucks. Worse than Michigan sucks. Worse than trying to be ‘that guy’ and watching the entire ‘Pride and Prejudice’ mini-series over a weekend sucks. If one of your favorites to make the final four loses in the first or second round, you can pretty much kiss that pile of money goodbye. Your favorite to win the magicjack.com bowl loses by a FG in overtime, you can live to fight another day. Unless, of course, you were a complete homer and picked six out of seven Big 10 teams to win their bowl game. Jesus, Wisconsin over Florida State, Minnesota over Kansas…what the HELL was I thinking?
College basketball fans like to point out that a legitimate champion is crowned, and their champion isn’t decided via a popularity contest. Really? The selection process isn’t a political popularity contest? You don’t think Kentucky would have a better chance than North Dakota State? Really?
To those of you that will spend the next couple of days agonizing over ‘bracketology’ and all that it entails, I have one thing to say: Pass the pork chops, honey, and set my alarm for spring practice.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
All Sapped Out
So, Benny Sapp got re-signed. You remember Benny Sapp, because he was the catalyst in what turned out to be the most exciting six play sequence in recent Vikings history. Remember the Bears game at the ‘Dome from last November?
Vikes are down 7-3, early second quarter. The Bears had a first and goal at the Vikings one yard line after a 26 yard run by Matt Forte, and the Vikings held, dramatically stopping the Bears from inside the one yard line on third and fourth down. The crowd went nuts, Jared Allen came sprinting off the field, arms raised in jubilation. The next play, Gus Frerotte hit Bernard Berrian in stride for a 99 yard touchdown pass. The Metrodome was as loud as I can remember it being in several years, momentum permanently shifted to the Vikings, and they won going away, 34-14, taking over first place in the NFC North en route to a division championship.
And it was all thanks to Benny Sapp.
But how, Purple Buckeye? His name isn’t mentioned. Was it the great Benny Sapp that tackled Matt Forte on the one, saving a touchdown?
No.
Was it the great Benny Sapp that plugged an emerging hole at the goal line, stuffing Matt Forte short of a score?
No.
It was the great Benny Sapp that was flagged for a personal foul, blow to the head penalty after in incomplete pass on third down that would have forced a Bears punt. You can’t make it up.
Benny Sapp? Benny Sapp? I mean, let’s put this in terms we can understand. If you’re lucky enough to have a job in this era of hope and change, (because after the last few weeks, I hope I got some change in my pocket at the end of the day), let’s say you were responsible for roofing a building, and the building was scheduled for its grand opening on Friday morning at 7:00. Let’s say on Thursday, ten minutes before happy hour, you take a claw hammer and put 50 holes the size of a quarter in the roof, slap an apprentice roofer on the head, and then sit around while the other ten guys on your crew bust their ass to cover for your mistake and they fix the roof. At the opening the building is hailed as a marvel of modern construction, in spite of your blatant stupidity.
Why the hell should you be retained? Even though the end result was good, you had nothing to do with it. As a matter of fact, your actions almost ruined it! Yet you keep your job, when there are several roofing apprentices that look promising and could probably do a better job by just not putting a claw hammer through the roof.
I’ve gone on record many times supporting the free agency moves and drafts of Spielman and Childress, but this is one move I can’t get on board with. What Benny lacks in self discipline, he makes up for with a keen inability to tackle or cover a receiver. If you can’t cover, you should be able to tackle. If you can’t tackle, you better be able to cover. Benny can do neither, and he does neither quite spectacularly.
This is quickly becoming the off-season of my discontent, which is in stark contrast to the last two or three seasons. If Sage Rosenfels is the answer at quarterback the Vikes are on the very short list of legitimate Super Bowl teams, but the supporting cast is just as important. Sapp has a penchant for excruciatingly stupid plays at the most inopportune times, and what happened against the Bears is most assuredly the exception to the rule. 9 times out of 10 a team that’s given that kind of gift will score the touchdown, and if the Bears had scored there, it’s 14-3 Chicago and the outcome of the game could be very different. Normally, stupid penalties that lead to a score for the bad guys completely deflates a team, but hats off to the Vikings defense for the stunning reversal and a heart-stopping moment that was reminiscent of the Purple People Eaters…all thanks to Benny Sapp??
The defense will carry this team, and they can’t afford to have role players like Sapp take a walk down Bonehead Lane, because it will eventually cost the Vikings dearly.
Vikes are down 7-3, early second quarter. The Bears had a first and goal at the Vikings one yard line after a 26 yard run by Matt Forte, and the Vikings held, dramatically stopping the Bears from inside the one yard line on third and fourth down. The crowd went nuts, Jared Allen came sprinting off the field, arms raised in jubilation. The next play, Gus Frerotte hit Bernard Berrian in stride for a 99 yard touchdown pass. The Metrodome was as loud as I can remember it being in several years, momentum permanently shifted to the Vikings, and they won going away, 34-14, taking over first place in the NFC North en route to a division championship.
And it was all thanks to Benny Sapp.
But how, Purple Buckeye? His name isn’t mentioned. Was it the great Benny Sapp that tackled Matt Forte on the one, saving a touchdown?
No.
Was it the great Benny Sapp that plugged an emerging hole at the goal line, stuffing Matt Forte short of a score?
No.
It was the great Benny Sapp that was flagged for a personal foul, blow to the head penalty after in incomplete pass on third down that would have forced a Bears punt. You can’t make it up.
Benny Sapp? Benny Sapp? I mean, let’s put this in terms we can understand. If you’re lucky enough to have a job in this era of hope and change, (because after the last few weeks, I hope I got some change in my pocket at the end of the day), let’s say you were responsible for roofing a building, and the building was scheduled for its grand opening on Friday morning at 7:00. Let’s say on Thursday, ten minutes before happy hour, you take a claw hammer and put 50 holes the size of a quarter in the roof, slap an apprentice roofer on the head, and then sit around while the other ten guys on your crew bust their ass to cover for your mistake and they fix the roof. At the opening the building is hailed as a marvel of modern construction, in spite of your blatant stupidity.
Why the hell should you be retained? Even though the end result was good, you had nothing to do with it. As a matter of fact, your actions almost ruined it! Yet you keep your job, when there are several roofing apprentices that look promising and could probably do a better job by just not putting a claw hammer through the roof.
I’ve gone on record many times supporting the free agency moves and drafts of Spielman and Childress, but this is one move I can’t get on board with. What Benny lacks in self discipline, he makes up for with a keen inability to tackle or cover a receiver. If you can’t cover, you should be able to tackle. If you can’t tackle, you better be able to cover. Benny can do neither, and he does neither quite spectacularly.
This is quickly becoming the off-season of my discontent, which is in stark contrast to the last two or three seasons. If Sage Rosenfels is the answer at quarterback the Vikes are on the very short list of legitimate Super Bowl teams, but the supporting cast is just as important. Sapp has a penchant for excruciatingly stupid plays at the most inopportune times, and what happened against the Bears is most assuredly the exception to the rule. 9 times out of 10 a team that’s given that kind of gift will score the touchdown, and if the Bears had scored there, it’s 14-3 Chicago and the outcome of the game could be very different. Normally, stupid penalties that lead to a score for the bad guys completely deflates a team, but hats off to the Vikings defense for the stunning reversal and a heart-stopping moment that was reminiscent of the Purple People Eaters…all thanks to Benny Sapp??
The defense will carry this team, and they can’t afford to have role players like Sapp take a walk down Bonehead Lane, because it will eventually cost the Vikings dearly.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Underwhelming, To Say the Least
Well, if you weren't aware, the economy sucks. No, really, it does. But it's not quite as bad as the off-season the Minnesota Vikings have constructed to this point.
They're not in danger of dropping off the cliff into Green Bay Packer suckitude, but let's recap to this point:
1) Two year quest for a quarterback ends with...Sage Rosenfels. You can't make it up.
2) Jim Kleinsasser re-signed. Yeah!!!!! We love Jimmy here at THE Purple Buckeye, and that moves gets a big thumbs up. Glad to see JK will more than likely retire a Viking.
3) TJ Howsyouspellit spurns the Vikings for Seattle. Fuck 'em, we still got Hutch, and Seattle is still full of a bunch of bitchy, whiny, Birkenstock wearing ass monkey tree huggers.
4) Matty Birk sleeps with the fishes, but now in Baltimore. He went to Harvard.
5) There is still no stadium deal.
Of all those happenings, the Birk one was the most puzzling, in many ways. It seemed like Matt Birk, being the man that he is, was able to put his differences with Brad Childress aside and wanted to finish his career in Minnesota. The money he was asking for wasn't ridiculous, and he was very affordable for the Vikings. Yes, Birk's play dropped off some last year, but he was still the best offensive lineman on the team who's name wasn't Steve Hutchinson. Letting Birk leave does a couple of things, and I don't see an upside in any of them:
1) A legiitimate locker room leader leaves, and now someone else has to fill the void. In the darkest days of the Vikings off the field issues with Tice scalping Super Bowl tickets and the Love Boat, he was the "good guy" life preserver that we could look to as fans and find something positive about.
2) The Vikings are now worse on the offensive line, and that's not speculation. One of three things happens now. John Sullivan, a very raw second year guy, could move into the starting slot. If he can do it, I think this is the direction the Vikes need to go. Remember, we were pretty worried when Jeff Christy left for Tampa and the Vikings turned to an unknown in Matt Birk. But Tice was the o-line coach at the time, and head coaching foibles aside, Mike Tice can develop offensive linemen. If he said Birk was ready, then Birk was ready. After the cut and dried Sullivan option, things get muddied up. The next option would seem to be moving college center turned false start machine...I mean right tackle...Ryan Cook back inside. Cook was a very good center in college, and it's a tough adjustment going from college to the NFL and learning a new position at the same time. Cook actually acquitted himself well, for the most part, and he has the size to be absolutely dominant as a center. But if you move Cook, you need a new RT to take the place of Cook. So now, you've got essentially two new starters on the offensive line, and you either move up Marcus Johnson or Artis Hicks, get someone else in free agency (and no one really jumps out), or you draft someone. Either scenario represents a downgrade at this point. The other option that the Strib mentioned was moving Anthony Herrera to center, which seems to be about as far fetched as Skip Schumaker moving from right field to second base...oh wait, nevermind. I think Herrera is one of the more under rated linemen in the NFL, and has been a solid player that plugged a big hole in that line.
Cook was the weakest link on a pretty good line, and moving him back inside can turn him into a potential strength, buit now you need to plug the RT hole. If the RT replacement sucks, you can at least line up a TE to help out, go from a shotgun formation, and run to the left side to help alleviate a perimeter issue like that. If you move Herrera inside and he falters, and the replacement RG sucks, you now have two new guys on the inside that can't do the job, pressure comes a lot quicker, is extremely disruptive, and your offense will have a lot more issues than we've seen since the advent of the KAO.
Maybe Sullivan works out, maybe Andre Smith drops thanks to his WTF combine, maybe Sage Rosenfels blossoms after getting his chance, maybe Tarvaris Jackson realizes his potential with some earnest competition.
But for a team at a critical juncture in their history, and seemingly ascending, now is not the time for maybes.
They're not in danger of dropping off the cliff into Green Bay Packer suckitude, but let's recap to this point:
1) Two year quest for a quarterback ends with...Sage Rosenfels. You can't make it up.
2) Jim Kleinsasser re-signed. Yeah!!!!! We love Jimmy here at THE Purple Buckeye, and that moves gets a big thumbs up. Glad to see JK will more than likely retire a Viking.
3) TJ Howsyouspellit spurns the Vikings for Seattle. Fuck 'em, we still got Hutch, and Seattle is still full of a bunch of bitchy, whiny, Birkenstock wearing ass monkey tree huggers.
4) Matty Birk sleeps with the fishes, but now in Baltimore. He went to Harvard.
5) There is still no stadium deal.
Of all those happenings, the Birk one was the most puzzling, in many ways. It seemed like Matt Birk, being the man that he is, was able to put his differences with Brad Childress aside and wanted to finish his career in Minnesota. The money he was asking for wasn't ridiculous, and he was very affordable for the Vikings. Yes, Birk's play dropped off some last year, but he was still the best offensive lineman on the team who's name wasn't Steve Hutchinson. Letting Birk leave does a couple of things, and I don't see an upside in any of them:
1) A legiitimate locker room leader leaves, and now someone else has to fill the void. In the darkest days of the Vikings off the field issues with Tice scalping Super Bowl tickets and the Love Boat, he was the "good guy" life preserver that we could look to as fans and find something positive about.
2) The Vikings are now worse on the offensive line, and that's not speculation. One of three things happens now. John Sullivan, a very raw second year guy, could move into the starting slot. If he can do it, I think this is the direction the Vikes need to go. Remember, we were pretty worried when Jeff Christy left for Tampa and the Vikings turned to an unknown in Matt Birk. But Tice was the o-line coach at the time, and head coaching foibles aside, Mike Tice can develop offensive linemen. If he said Birk was ready, then Birk was ready. After the cut and dried Sullivan option, things get muddied up. The next option would seem to be moving college center turned false start machine...I mean right tackle...Ryan Cook back inside. Cook was a very good center in college, and it's a tough adjustment going from college to the NFL and learning a new position at the same time. Cook actually acquitted himself well, for the most part, and he has the size to be absolutely dominant as a center. But if you move Cook, you need a new RT to take the place of Cook. So now, you've got essentially two new starters on the offensive line, and you either move up Marcus Johnson or Artis Hicks, get someone else in free agency (and no one really jumps out), or you draft someone. Either scenario represents a downgrade at this point. The other option that the Strib mentioned was moving Anthony Herrera to center, which seems to be about as far fetched as Skip Schumaker moving from right field to second base...oh wait, nevermind. I think Herrera is one of the more under rated linemen in the NFL, and has been a solid player that plugged a big hole in that line.
Cook was the weakest link on a pretty good line, and moving him back inside can turn him into a potential strength, buit now you need to plug the RT hole. If the RT replacement sucks, you can at least line up a TE to help out, go from a shotgun formation, and run to the left side to help alleviate a perimeter issue like that. If you move Herrera inside and he falters, and the replacement RG sucks, you now have two new guys on the inside that can't do the job, pressure comes a lot quicker, is extremely disruptive, and your offense will have a lot more issues than we've seen since the advent of the KAO.
Maybe Sullivan works out, maybe Andre Smith drops thanks to his WTF combine, maybe Sage Rosenfels blossoms after getting his chance, maybe Tarvaris Jackson realizes his potential with some earnest competition.
But for a team at a critical juncture in their history, and seemingly ascending, now is not the time for maybes.
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